Embarassed but Humbled

I'm almost too embarrassed to put this on here, but I know I have to.  This is one I want to remember:

Along with teaching 6th grade, I also teach a "homeroom" type class which are 8th graders.  These 8th graders have been in the same Advisory class since their first day of 6th grade.  They have bonded and know one another well.  I am brand new to this mix and it hasn't been easy.  I have been met with opposition, hostility, disrespect and distrust.  I have been reminded that I am not their old teacher numerous times.  It is draining and frustrating and it is the class that leaves me the most worn out.  

I have made a conscious effort to not talk poorly about my students, they are valuable and need people who will stick by them.  In my carpool, with my co-workers and even friends and family I have committed to never talk badly about them or any of my students. I would say I've done a good job, many people have commented that I don't "bad mouth" my kids.  But like everyone, I messed up.

Today, while on yard duty, I started talking with another teacher about how I'm really struggling with my kids, one of the girls I was talking about over heard.  I had no idea and wouldn't have ever known and continued to go about the year.  I had asked another teacher to talk with this particular girl about her attitude and lack of respect since this teacher had a good relationship with her.  This was in good effort but it was still bad mouthing.  

Like I said, I had no idea this girl knew anything....until...she came in to see me after school.  In one of the most gracious and undeserved ways, she approached me with kindness to tell me she had heard me.  I've never felt so bad in my life and also so proud of a student to talk with an adult.  In humility, she told me she didn't even know she was being disrespectful and honestly asked me to help her see where she had gone wrong.  Talk about a slap in the face, it tore me apart to know I had not only slipped and talked badly about her, but here she was asking for help on how to change it instead of being mad. 

Within minutes she was in tears telling me she was a terrible, disrespectful student the last two years but wanted to be different.  She wanted help seeing where she had gone wrong because she really wanted to change.  I asked her how long she had been working on this and she said since the first day of school.  In 10 days she had gone from a disrespectful, angry and snotty kid to a mature, humble and honest teen who desperately wanted to do better.  She confided that the last teacher hadn't ever wanted to listen to her but that she saw something different in me. Through a long conversation she told me she wanted to do better and make her family proud. Her two older brothers had chosen bad paths and one was deported after doing something illegal.  She wants to be the first to change. She thanked me for listening and told me she wanted my help to do better.   I couldn't speak, I didn't deserve this, I had wronged her and yet she showed forgiveness and grace by letting me in and asking for help.  I apologized for what she heard and for even considering talking to others about her.  I could feel God's presence in the room as she told me some of her broken past. In a crazy God directed twist, we both got to extend grace and love in a situation that could have been sour.

It doesn't even stop there, I invited her to come in and talk to me more often because I care so deeply for her.  I asked if there was anyone at home who she could talk to but the only brother she was close with is the one who was deported. She then said she talks to the moon and tells her worries and heartaches.  I wanted to jump in and say it's not the moon that brings her comfort but I overwhelmingly felt God telling me to wait, it wasn't the right time to start preaching.  I'm blown away by God's redemptive plan for my relationship with my student.  I'm reminded that even in the best intentions I mess up.  I'm humbled that a 13 year old broken girl can teach me about God's unfailing grace and love and remind me to be humble.  

Please pray for this girl, I wish I could give names but Jesus knows who she is.  Pray for a deeper relationship and for a way for a conversation to arise where I can share Christ with her.  Pray for her heart to feel protected and honored.  Pray for her to continue trying to make the right decisions.  Pray that I am continually reminded of the mission field I am in and the needs of my students.  Pray that I can put God first in my classroom and be receptive to his hand.  I love my sweet kids but they live in a horrible place that so desperately needs the hope of the gospel.  I'm so encouraged seeing God working in Watts and specifically in the individual lives of my students.  What an awesome, all powerful, all knowing, caring, compassionate, humble God I get to serve in Watts!

Realities of Teaching Middle School

One of my favorite things about teaching history is the projects I get to do with my kids.  This week we are just introducing history concepts like geography, timelines, family crests etc.  Last night I assigned my kids a family crest, numerous were excited to present their and they took it so seriously. I was amazed, they were awesome and I really got to know my students much deeper.

I also assigned them a timeline, I am trying to reinforce the BCE and CE aspect of the timeline.  They had to write 5 events that happened before they were born and 5 that happened after on their personal timelines.  Numerous kids struggled through the process but my goal is to get them to go home and discuss it with their parents to get them involved as well.  We started the project in class but they are to finish it tonight for homework, many got a great start and it didn't take long for them to begin to open up more.  One student called me over to silently ask me if her mom dying when she was 2 was an important event.  It is so tough to be hit with that and then not have the time or place to address it.  Shortly after another student asked me if his two uncles being shot execution style in front of their family was two events or one.  And then, not more than 30 seconds later, another student asked if he could put two events on the same day.  He went on to explain that the day he was born, his 34 yr old brother was driving to the hospital to meet him for the first time. He never made it because he was killed in a car accident on his way.  In less than 3 minutes I was horribly reminded of the tragic and terrible circumstances my kids are faced with.  How at 11 can they have to deal with these situations.  It broke me, I wanted to keep them all afternoon and tell them how sorry I was that their lives are they way they are but at 3:30 the bell rang and they had to go home. We are only 4 days in and this is already surfacing.  I'm praying for strength to support them and care for their broken hearts that have seen too much.

On a lighter note, two students blew me away.  One student came in at lunch even though he is not in my class until after lunch.  He came up and said, "Ms. DeForest, I didn't bring my homework, I know in your class that means you have detention, I was irresponsible and forgot it because I was in a rush to leave." About this point I'm thinking he is going to give me an excuse.  He did the complete opposite and said, "I was wondering if I can serve my detention now (at lunch) because my mom is in a hurry after school and I don't want to make her late."  I literally couldn't answer him, I was so shocked with how responsible and honest he was.  It gave me huge hope in the 150 kids I teach!  Later in the day as he was doing his timeline, he asked if he could include shaving as part of his major events.  I just smiled loving that there was still innocence in my kids that made their first shave a big deal.

And then, another student came up to me after class to turn in the homework that is due tomorrow.  I told him I was glad he got it done ahead of time but to hold onto it until tomorrow.  That is when he said, "I know homework has to be turned in and my family will be going out of town tomorrow so I won't be here to turn it in.  I finished it early and wanted to make sure I got it to you."  Blew me away!! I love how invested they are, its a huge encouragement for me to keep high expectations.  And I know this sounds sexist but both of these kids are middle school boys! I know few middle school boys who would take school so seriously. 

I ADORE my kids, they are amazing, and yes I will say it, I'm LOVING teaching middle school!  Some people may be falling out of their seats or having heart attacks but I do love my kids.

Sorry for my first post after starting school being so heavy.  What I love is that in the midst of brokenness and unfair circumstances, there is so much joy in my kids. I want to protect their innocence and help to develop them into kids who love each other and hopefully one day God as well. I will update more later on more about our first week.  I'm praying all my weeks look like this one. 

Please pray with me that God will equip me to love and protect my students as they walk into difficult years.  Pray that I would know how to deeply love them in the midst of their brokenness and difficult lives.  I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to empathize but I sure do love them.

How I Got Here

For those of you who know me best, you know that middle school is never a place I thought I would be teaching.  I love the little ones and my dream job is teaching 1st grade.  I had an amazing time student teaching under a great master teacher in a 1st grade classroom and I loved it.  During the middle of the last school year, it became aparent that I did not want to work for the school I was subbing at.  It had become a difficult place with little support and I didn't feel I was allowed to grow there, it seemed I was expected to be perfect even as a begining teacher.  

I had applied last year to Teach For America and was accepted but placed in Phoenix teachind secondary English.  I did not want to teach secondary or live in Phoenix so I politely declined and was deferred to this year.  About April, I was placed, with Teach For America, in Los Angeles and teaching elementary.  I couldn't have been more thrilled and was excited to begin.

Unfortunately, when applying to Teach For America, they are not as forth coming as I had expected.  I found out I was not only not able to reject an interview but I also had to accept any job I was offered.  This began an interesting interview process which I was expected to drop everything, work included, to show up at over 15 different interview.  I knew that I wanted to be in elementary but most of the schools I was interviewing for were middle schools.  I also was not willing to sell myself to my job so I tailored my answers to their interview questions based on whether or not I wanted the job. This went on for numerous months.  In June, I was asked to interview at a charter school in Watts....immidiately I knew I wanted out...middle school and Watts...I didn't care how great the school or principal I didn't want it.  

Fortunately/Unfortunately for me, we serve and awesome and mighty God who has the power to direct our lives.  The principal "interviewed" me and only asked 1 question...tell me about yourself." I told him my background, interests etc thinking I would have more chances to convince him I wasn't a good fit.  He asked me nothign else and preceeded to tell me how great the school was, how awesome the faculty was and how I would love it.  I left expecting to make it through to the next round.

Again, we serve a mighty God whose plans are much larger than mine.  The principal called the next day to offer me the job.  Since I couldn't reject it I quickly accepted and then sobbed.  All I could think was really God, really? Middle school? Me? Watts? Really me, surely there is someone better.

I immediately told Chris, our pastor and friends and his first response was, well this sounds like Africa, to which he reminded me that I was extremely hesitant to go to Uganda but it was and is my favorite time in life where I learned a ton and saw God in awesome ways.  That was not the support I was lookign for.  But if there is one thing Africa taught me it is that if God calls, its best for me to go all in and learn to love the places that may be scary but are hurting and need him.

I had to train myself to actually say, "I'm excited to teachin 6th grade in Watts!" As I start school on Monday I'm still thinking, really God? Really? and gently but firmly He replies, "Really, watch what I do, you are not important in this, just obey and I promise it will be worth it.  Not fun or your favorite time ever but I will show myself to you in a completely different way."

So I go, my contract is for 2 years which is something that is incredibly daunting, scary, frustrating and lonely.  But in obedience, I'm choosing to be optimistic and positive which is only possible through trusting Him.  I have already seen His hand in a powerful way, there was no way for me to "screw" up this interview, I had every intention of looking bad but when you aren't the one talking in an interview its difficult.  So on Monday I will be the most nervous teacher there is anticipation the joys and struggles of this year but knowing that God is faithful to do mighty things so I give my classroom, my kids and myself to Him.

I Am Officially A Real Teacher

I'm hoping this can be a place where I can process and fill in everyone on the day to day happenings of my first years of teaching.  For those of you who do not know, I have been hired to teach 6th grade History and English in a charter school.  This is a welcome change to the 7th grade math I taught this summer.  For those of you who know me well, you know middle school is an area I hoped I would never have to work in but when I began praying that God would send me where he wanted me, I knew the possibility would be high that I would be hired in a place that is not my strong point. This story is a bit longer so I will do another post to fill everyone in on the journey of being hired and specifically in my school.



What makes it the most challenging is that I will be teaching in Watts, a very low income, high violence inner city area in South Los Angeles.  It is infamous for the Watts Riots and the Rodney King beating.  While these are clearly not things to be proud of, Watts is an area with a rich history and amazing people who I get to work with.  I will do another post shortly of the realities of living and teaching in Watts.

Our school is one of only a few charter schools that the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has chosen to implement a pilot program where teachers are evaluated and their pay is merit based.  This is done through the...

This is somewhat of a scary thing to face knowing my performance is what will dictate if I get a raise or not but it is also exciting to know that I may be able to make a competitive salary that most teachers are unable to do in a more traditional setting.

This week has consisted of Professional Development, meeting my partner teacher and the next few days will be spent getting my classroom ready.

Please be praying for me as I prepare for what I know will be a very challenging year.  I am excited but also extremely nervous and trusting fully that this is where God has called me.  I am trusting that for these two years, this is my mission field.  The realization that I have a big and necessary job to do weighs heavily on me.  I know that this is where I am supposed to be and with that comes a huge responsibility.  Christ has entrusted these 150 students to me and to my classroom, I may be the only Christian they encounter and daily I need to be pointing them to Christ in my relationships with them and in the way I run and operate my classroom.

Please pray with me this week for a clear head, enough sleep, trust that God knows far better than I do what my purpose is.  Please also check in frequently, it is comforting to know I am covered in prayer as I open up my class and I know through prayer that the lives of my students can be transformed and aligned with Christ!  Thanks all!!