How I Got Here

For those of you who know me best, you know that middle school is never a place I thought I would be teaching.  I love the little ones and my dream job is teaching 1st grade.  I had an amazing time student teaching under a great master teacher in a 1st grade classroom and I loved it.  During the middle of the last school year, it became aparent that I did not want to work for the school I was subbing at.  It had become a difficult place with little support and I didn't feel I was allowed to grow there, it seemed I was expected to be perfect even as a begining teacher.  

I had applied last year to Teach For America and was accepted but placed in Phoenix teachind secondary English.  I did not want to teach secondary or live in Phoenix so I politely declined and was deferred to this year.  About April, I was placed, with Teach For America, in Los Angeles and teaching elementary.  I couldn't have been more thrilled and was excited to begin.

Unfortunately, when applying to Teach For America, they are not as forth coming as I had expected.  I found out I was not only not able to reject an interview but I also had to accept any job I was offered.  This began an interesting interview process which I was expected to drop everything, work included, to show up at over 15 different interview.  I knew that I wanted to be in elementary but most of the schools I was interviewing for were middle schools.  I also was not willing to sell myself to my job so I tailored my answers to their interview questions based on whether or not I wanted the job. This went on for numerous months.  In June, I was asked to interview at a charter school in Watts....immidiately I knew I wanted out...middle school and Watts...I didn't care how great the school or principal I didn't want it.  

Fortunately/Unfortunately for me, we serve and awesome and mighty God who has the power to direct our lives.  The principal "interviewed" me and only asked 1 question...tell me about yourself." I told him my background, interests etc thinking I would have more chances to convince him I wasn't a good fit.  He asked me nothign else and preceeded to tell me how great the school was, how awesome the faculty was and how I would love it.  I left expecting to make it through to the next round.

Again, we serve a mighty God whose plans are much larger than mine.  The principal called the next day to offer me the job.  Since I couldn't reject it I quickly accepted and then sobbed.  All I could think was really God, really? Middle school? Me? Watts? Really me, surely there is someone better.

I immediately told Chris, our pastor and friends and his first response was, well this sounds like Africa, to which he reminded me that I was extremely hesitant to go to Uganda but it was and is my favorite time in life where I learned a ton and saw God in awesome ways.  That was not the support I was lookign for.  But if there is one thing Africa taught me it is that if God calls, its best for me to go all in and learn to love the places that may be scary but are hurting and need him.

I had to train myself to actually say, "I'm excited to teachin 6th grade in Watts!" As I start school on Monday I'm still thinking, really God? Really? and gently but firmly He replies, "Really, watch what I do, you are not important in this, just obey and I promise it will be worth it.  Not fun or your favorite time ever but I will show myself to you in a completely different way."

So I go, my contract is for 2 years which is something that is incredibly daunting, scary, frustrating and lonely.  But in obedience, I'm choosing to be optimistic and positive which is only possible through trusting Him.  I have already seen His hand in a powerful way, there was no way for me to "screw" up this interview, I had every intention of looking bad but when you aren't the one talking in an interview its difficult.  So on Monday I will be the most nervous teacher there is anticipation the joys and struggles of this year but knowing that God is faithful to do mighty things so I give my classroom, my kids and myself to Him.