Emptied and Exhausted

Today, the situation I mentioned earlier only got worse.  I have a meeting with the principal in the morning over issues that shouldn't be there.  I'm definately feeling the spiritual struggle of doing what I know God wants but being filled with doubt at the same time.  

Today I have thought...

I want to quit,

This isn't where I should be

This is never going to work

Should I even be a teacher?

Am I making a difference?

Am I dishonoring God in this position?

How much longer can I do this?

I'm at the end, I don't know how much more I can give and how much more lies I can take.  I'm tired of living in a world and practicing a profession that is so filled with guilt, lies, betrayal.  I want to be a teacher who deeply loves kids and doesn't worry about the politics of it all.  

I'm unable to sleep knowing this will be a long night in anticipation for tomorrow and clinging to Jesus, hoping he guides my meeting tomorrow. And then I'm gently reminded of the verse God gave me on the first day of school.  

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. 

Philippians 4:4-9

God put this on my verse the first day of school as I was anxious for a new year, and today in one of the most desperate places I've been I'm reminded to rejoice always.  I love that he repeats with "I will say it again," like he's saying don't miss this, it's important.

I am clinging to what is right, what is noble, what is true, what is pure...lovely...admirable and praying the peace of God is in me.  I don't know where else to turn, I don't know what else to do.

Jesus be before me, be in me and be with me as I face tomorrow.

I'm not expecting great things out of my meeting with the principal but I'm trying to push out the lies and believe the truth that I know is from God.  Please join me in seeing Christ in the difficult situations and seeing glory brought to Him in the midst of something I want to get rid of.